well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
