exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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