ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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