i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
