My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
