I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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