Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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