I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
zippers are such a cool invention
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
