Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
