Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
