i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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