i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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