I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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