he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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