Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
