dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
