did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
