U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
