that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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