Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize