Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
