I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize