he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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