just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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