I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
