guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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