dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
