You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
