is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
