So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
