idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize