You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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