I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
