It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
