um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
