There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
