Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry about my life...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
