my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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