I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
