Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will pee on everything he values.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
