Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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