then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
