she takes plan B like it's going out of style
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
