Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
