Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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