Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
