She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
