the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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