Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize