i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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