guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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