I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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