I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
