Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize