We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
