Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
