and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
