Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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