If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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