the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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