No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In America we eat man semen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
