can u get pink eye on your cock?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Two words: nipple clamps
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