got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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