Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
