I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
