I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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